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–adjective
1.
given to or characterized by contemplation: a contemplative mind.

–noun
2.
a person devoted to contemplation, as a monk.

—synonyms
1. thoughtful, reflective, meditative.
{www.dictionary.com}

I always seem to find myself in a contemplative state when this time of year rolls around. I think it’s possibly due to the dull weather, which creates in me a void that is yearning to be filled. The white blanket of snow covering everything has a beauty of it’s own, that’s undeniable, but it also feels like a blank canvas which I cannot fill. My creativity feels blocked by so much white. The winter seems like it will never end-an ongoing sea of blankness. I find myself turning more inward at this time-reflecting, thinking, questioning. As a business owner, I try to take this time to work on those things in my business that I’m too busy to do the rest of the year: taxes, business paperwork, updating websites and pricing, scouting for new products, etc. And, while I welcome the opportunity to accomplish those tasks, they are definitely not awe-inspiring. And, therefore, I end up feeling trapped. By mundane work, by the weather, by my own thoughts-my contemplations. Being an upbeat person, I cannot abide this side of me that comes out when the winter seems too long. I find it difficult to deal with myself.

I also find myself praying more-perhaps from all of this thinking that I’m doing and I realize how sometimes I allow a disconnection to happen. In this void, but also during the times when I am overwhelmed, I begin to feel that God is not close. The fact is that I’m the one who moves away from Him. He is there whispering to me and I push the voice aside, wanting to stay curled up inside my contemplation. It’s not a mystery that everyone feels alone sometimes-even as we are surrounded by people. We feel alone in our circumstances and think that no one understands. The fact is that it’s not easy to open up to others. I’ve always had a hard time with it since I’m the person that others usually want to confide in. I’ve always felt that I cannot show any vulnerability, only confidence, or others will not respect me. But God asks me to do just that-show that I have weaknesses and seek Him. If I always feel strong and confident, then I won’t realize my need for others or Him. I appreciate that and I am trying to grasp how mighty and holy He is. In complete control. Unlike me.

He will decide when the winter will end and the spring will come….filled with an abundance of His blessings. He will show me the path and break my contemplative mood. His love is with us always-and only He truly knows our hearts and what we need. For now, I will rest in that knowledge and try to embrace the moment that I have been given. I will not pray for an early spring, but rather an awakening of my spirit….for that is the true refreshing that I need.

What do you need this winter? What are you contemplating?